Monday, July 12, 2010

More about Dakota

Dakota is the only good thing that came out of my 1st marriage.  You know how parents brag about how smart their child is and in the back of your mind you think "their only saying that because it's their kid, bet their just as average as the next", well  Dakota is smart.  She's wise beyond her years.  She's been in school since she was 3 years old and unlike most kids she still loves it.  Not sure where she got her smarts.  Her dad and I are of about average intelligence.  She excels at most things with ease.  She's been through a lot in her life, so I think that has helped her grow up a little to fast.  With her dad and I divorcing when she was young she had to learn to adjust to two lifestyles in two different homes.  He and I diffinately don't have the same parenting style.  He's the one to discipline with a belt or ground her from her phone.  I'm more of a talker.  I can usually sit down and talk to her and find out the source of the problem.  Like when she was younger if she was throwing a fit I would stand back and think, is she hungry? is she sleepy?  All fits have a source. Now she's a teenager and you would think that her being hungry or sleepy wouldn't play a part in fits, but I'm a firm believer that there is a source to the things that children act out about.  Her and I have a strong relationship because of this.
Beside the divorce Dakota lost a sister only a few days after her 5th birthday.  (You can read about Zoe on the post for July 4th.)  No one should ever have to suffer the loss of a sibling, especially a 5 year old child.  Dakota handled the loss better than most adults.  I gave her the room she needed to grieve and we talked about Zoe anytime she felt she needed to talk.  Dakota is the only reason I was able cope with Zoe's death.  I was still a mom.  Most days when I felt like staying in bed and crying all day I would have to get up and take care of Dakota.  She still needed me.  It's been over 8 years now, Dakota and I don't talk about Zoe as much as we used to.  I know she still thinks about her, but once again I let her deal with it how she wants to.  I know I still have bad days.  Some nights I wake up crying, wishing things had been different.  Wondering if there was anything I could have done.  I wonder what things would have been like if Zoe hadn't have died.  Would they be close or would they be like my sister and I at that age.  Would they like the same things?  Questions a mother should never have to wonder about.  Along with the hard days there are plenty of good days.  I'm thankful to have had Zoe.  She changed my life in so many ways.  I'm more thankful now for the things I have.  I never take life for granted.  I live everyday to the fullest.  She brought me even closer to Dakota.  I've become a more understanding and loving mother. 
 I joke with Dakota all the time and say that there will come a day that she won't like me, I won't be cool anymore. She will rebel and act out against all adults, including me. You know the "I know everything" stage that all teenagers go through.  She promises she'll never be that way.  Oh, the joys of a naive mind of a teenager.  Until that day I'll hold fast to the darling young lady that she's becoming and hope for the best.

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